Just joining us? Better go read Hour 1. It's over there somewhere >>>>>>>>>>>>>
• Dracula Man sneaks out of a building and eyes his handiwork. A blowed-up chopper.
• In 24's world rooftop helicopter explosions are pretty ho-hum.
• CTU is decoding some... codes or something. They've figured out who's on the inside, who might be responsible for the hit on Evil Regis.
SURPRISE TWIST #2! - it's Meredith Reed, the blonde reporter!
• CTU NY views all their data on an Imax screen.
• Reed gets picked up at the UN. This is too easy. Seems like a frame job.
• CTU seems to have learned something from past seasons, actually searching people before allowing them into the building.
• Freddie Prinze Jr's voice has always thrown me off. It sounds like he's either trying to do a fake New York accent, or trying to hide a real New York accent.
• Jack: "I'm at CTU."
Kim: "CTU? Does this have something to do with what's happening at the UN?"
Jack: "Dammit Kim have you learned nothing?"
• CTU is bringing in Reed. Chloe isn't buying it. She's trying to convince Jack that this is deeper than just Reed, but Jack is resisting. He can resist all he wants, but his whisper-yell is starting to come back. We all know how this is going to turn out.
• Argh, Evil Regis! He's the silliest looking man on this show!
• Oh, I stand corrected.
SURPRISE TWIST #3! - who's on the other end of Longhair Todd's phonecall?
• Uh oh.
"Starbuck is touching me Starbuck is touching me Starbuck is touching me..."
• Private call for Starb- oh shit it's Corey Feldman.
• Wait, I'm wrong again. It's not Corey Feldman, it's Almost Leonardo DiCaprio.
• We find out that Starbuck isn't her name at all. Her real name is Dana Walsh. Only Dana Walsh isn't her real name either which makes this SURPRISE TWIST #4!
• Good to see that CTU's background check system is still worthless. They go to freecreditreport dotcom and call it a day.
• Chloe wants Jack to talk to CTU Director Hastings about the theory that Reed was framed. Jack resists but she gives him her Sad Face.
• But Jack counters with his Homer Simpson face.
• Seriously, if Homer Simpson were real.. ^^^
• Hastings: "I'm sorry Jack, but as the head of CTU it's my job to dismiss 99.9% of everything that anybody tells me."
• Jack: "I hate this place." AWESOME!
• Chloe wants Jack to stay and help. He says "I can't" but this time it was definitely in the whisper growl. He's back.
"Grampa I drew you!"
"This likeness is terrible. You've disappointed me for the last time. I'm going back to work."
• Alright, it's time for one of my favorite television scenes. "Back up. There. Zoom-in. Enhance. Aha!"
• Dana Walsh speaks vaguely with her sister (?) about her secret. I think the big secret is that she's from Wyoming. I'd keep that a secret too. Wyoming am I right? Just kidding, you're good sports.
• Jack marches on into the CTU armory to help himself to some guns and refill his Jack Bag.
• Director Hastings is resentful.
• And rightly so! Jack only shows up on the exciting days, takes all the glory, and then rides off into the sunset. Where is Jack during CTU Secret Santa? Where is he on CTU Six Flags Day? Office Cleaning Day? The day the regional director shows up and everyone has to wear their stupid CTU logo polo shirts and limit their breaks to fifteen minutes and put up with lousy corporate types all day? Huh?
• Jack threatens to go to the President if he doesn't get his way. That's kind of his battle-cry this season.
• Jack is on his way to track down Dracula Man. But he might be too late...
"Mind if I come in and menace your family?"
• Uh oh. He's posing as an NYPD officer? He's going to weasel his way into Evil Regis guard detail! His poor cop buddy could be a victim of his nefarity!
• Dana Walsh uses her shoulders as a sexual weapon.
• One man suffers from weird hair envy.
• And someone is going to be tortured. Waaaaaa!