24: Day 8: Hour 8

Here we are, another 24 recap! Frankly, I think the events in the Parallel Timeline are boring and they better be leading somewhere. It's been a while since I've blogged about this but if I remember right, last episode Jack's plane landed safely in L.A., where he went on to pick Vienna over the other girl after a Sidney Crosby goal in overtime. Or something like that.

• Episode starts off with Dana. That's a good sign.



• Dana calls Fake Leo, who's sitting in a strip club with his weird friend. He says he's in Jersey City but I think he's actually on Deep Space Nine.

• Dana, with shaky voice: "We had a deal!" but Fake Leo wants to keep the scam going.


• Weird Friend calls Dana a bitch. Turns out he talks like Foghorn Leghorn.


• Arlo confronts Dana and she acts righteously indignant. Like, "how dare you accuse me of misdeeds! All I've done is commit several... um, misdeeds."

• Cole fills Hastings in on the Jacknapping. Hastings hunches around and sneers, which is pretty much all he's good for.

• Hastings calls out Dana and Chloe steps in and covers for her because she wants help finding Jack.


• Alpha Russian is making supper but Chef Gordon Ramsay shows up and starts yelling at him.

• He goes back to visit Jack, still posing as Ernst Meier.


• Since Jack is tied up, might as well punch him. That's kind of like throwing a gun at Superman when you run out of bullets.

• Alpha thinks Ernst is a cop. "I just stabbed a guy in the eye. You really think I'm a cop?" Alpha says that doesn't prove anything, and that in Soviet Russia, eyeball stabs you.


• Uh-oh, mobile torture unit. Jack is begging, begging, to be let off the hook. I don't know if Jack is really afraid or just playing the part of Ernst?


• Alpha says "I will break you." I know the Soviet Union collapsed and all, but make no mistake: they still want nothing more than to break you.

• I swear this EXACT scene has happened before.

• Haven't seen this fella in a while. He's throwing a little hissy fit about something.


• Alpha tells Longhair about Ernst. "In light of his appearance I'm halting delivery of the rods."


• Longhair is angry, because it buys Hassan more time to crush his enemies. He's also upset about the botched assassination. Seems like when you're in a powerful gangster's lair, surrounded by said powerful gangster's goons, you should show a certain lovely of politeness.


• Russian Son agrees.

• Time for the psych evaluation on Renee that should have happened hours ago.

• Director to Snarls: "You're not acting hard enough! Remember, you're supposed to be in a state of shock! Show me shocked!"



• Dana is coming clean to Cole.


• Cole: "It's okay, I haven't told you everything about my past either. Just do me a favor and promise you won't ever rent a movie called Scooby Doo."

• They're interrupted before she can say anything.

• Oh geez, the old thumb in the knife wound trick. That smarts.


• Jack plays possum. He's got a trick up his sleeve. Or pant, in this case.


JACK BAUER WEAPON COUNT #7 - His toes.


• So I guess Jack has a new superpower: Ape Agility.

• Hassan's daughter admits her affair with the guy who's name I don't know.


• Hassan thinks it was all a ruse to get close to him. "I cahn't thinkofabetterwayyyyy ... to get close tomy liiiiiife... then throughhhhh... my DAUGHter!" I love his line delivery. He's getting more and more paranoid by the second.

• Jack does some killin', but then encounters his one true weakness: a dead cellphone.


• Jack creeps around the building, finally finds a cell phone. Needs Chloe to trace the call.

• More creeping. Just shooting guys for no reason.


• Alpha Russian has a shot gun but he's just blasting wine glasses. He knows Jack is hiding under the tables, why not shoot under the table?s

• Jack pops up and yells "Rawr!"



JACK BAUER WEAPON COUNT #8 - a banquet table


• Is he dead? The table killed him?

• "Where's Dana?" "Something something reboot something ip address."

• Chloe traces the call and finds a picture of Alpha Russian: Sergei Petrovich. Just goes to show, even if you're a powerful lord of the underworld people will still tag unflattering photos of you on Facebook.


• Jack glances through Petrovich's file, and finds something he finds interesting.

• Jack is playing Good Cop/Bad Cop by himself. "All I want are those rods. If you cooperate, I can make the rest of the charges go away."

• Petrovich expresses regret over murdering his son. Yeah, that is a pretty big bummer dude.

• "I need to speak to Hastings." "He's on with the President." "Oh great, put me on with her too."

• Petrovich will cooperate for full immunity for him and his son. Hastings is willing to defer to Jack's judgement. What the?

• Taylor gets on the horn with Petrovich. He must feel so popular.

• Cole confronts Arlo, re: Dana. Arlo is in classic sneak mode. "It's none of my business, but I think she went to meet some guy." He shows Cole the photo evidence. That's great that two of the five people that work for CTU are now distracted.





• Dana is in the Strip Club being weird. CTU: five minutes from everything in New York.

• Hassan's daughter wants to speak to her boyfriend. I got money says she's in on the plot.

• CTU staff watches the Matrix on blu-ray while Cole and a strike team full of nervous rookies go to nab the nuclear wessel.

• Uh-oh dead guys! The rods have been stolen! BUT BY WHO? OR WHOM?


• Oh shit, do you think it was vampires?


• Fake Leo and Weird Friend exit the strip club with a couple of dancers. Trust me, that's hard to do. They must have followed the Mystery Method.

• Remember how Jack got stabbed and electrocuted a little bit ago?


• Petrovich is shocked that the materials aren't there. "We found a gold cross."

• Petrovich knows that cross. And if I'd been paying attention earlier I'd know it too. Josef!


• Josef and Longhair are ready to make a deal. Whaaaaa!