• We open with Suit Guy, who tells the President "That went well. Unanimous support for the treaty." Apparently President Taylor likes to surround herself with the kind of Yes Men that simply recap events that happened only moments before.
• The British chap from last episode is getting all up in President Taylor's grill with his dry wit. I guess he's going to be a character then.
• President Taylor very wisely tells him all about the nuclear materials that CTU can't find. That won't come back to haunt her.
• German Jack ride's in the backseat with Bearded Russian. Any semblance of an accent has been dropped completely.
• Arlo grabs a snapshot worthy of a National Geographic prize.
• Dana runs off to answer her cell phone! Somebody fire her already!
• Jack is grumpy as all get out. He does not like it when he wires dudes $5 million and then they try to kill him.
• Look how mad he is! He rips his disguise right off!
• For the fourteenth time, Jack tries to convince Renee to abort the mission, and for the fourteenth time she talks him out of it. Then he puts his Where's Waldo glasses back on.
• Dana is busy helping Fake Leo and his Weird Friend break into a police storage facility. I am getting so mad at her.
• This place has less security than the average Best Buy. You'd think they'd at least be a cop there. The NYPD has about 38,000 officers. Not a single one of them has pissed off their superior enough to get busted to the evidence warehouse detail? "You've gone too far this time McSorley! You disobeyed a direct order and made me look like a jackass! Well you'll have plenty of time to think about it when you're guarding the Evidence Warehouse!"
• Actual Dialogue:
"The money is in locker 4301"
"4301... 4301... man, that's too many numbers."
• Uh-oh, Weird Friend is getting greedy.
• Since he's Russian, naturally he drinks Vodka.
• And since Jack is pretending to be German, naturally...
• Alpha Russian mourns his Dead Radioactive Son.
• Sweaty Russian calls Alpha Russian about the nuclear rods. Alpha snaps that he has no such rods.
• Alpha halts the rod-hauling truck, fearing that the jig is up.
• Nuclear Rods, or the Lost Ark?
• Hassan is frazzled.
• Taylor is getting snippy, asking him about the crackdown within his imaginary nation.
• Hassan's version of Jack Bauer takes a stand. "You promised you were different." Hassan thanks him for telling it like it is, and appreciates his forthrightness. But as soon as the guy leaves, Hassan changes his tune. He's devolving into paranoia!
• Weird Friend decides the money should all be his.
• SURPRISE TWIST #5 - It's a squirt gun. Seriously. Now because they were horsing around with squirt guns, they're going to get caught.
• Dana Walsh you are the WORST!
• Ah, there's that insubordinate cop.
• Dana advises them to slip past the cop, but instead they beat him up. But not before he called it in.
• Beware Dana's angry face!
• Hassan's security guy, who's name is Tarin or Balin or maybe Pauly goes to Hassan's daughter, but guys come to detain him. We've got ourselves a real Sharks vs. Jets situation here. Personally I would have a hard time being romantic with Hassan's smiling face staring at me.
• So I guess Sweaty Russian is just making cold calls? "So, uh, got any nuclear rods?"
• "I can't find anything."
• "You got leads. German Jack paid good money for those leads."• "The leads are weak!"
• "You're weak! You can't buy rods? You are a rod, hit the bricks pal, and beat it, because you are about to get stabbed in the eyeball."• Sweaty Russian starts smacking Renee around, so she STABS HIM IN THE EYEBALL.
• But maybe that wasn't enough, so she stabs him in every possible stabbable surface. Jack tries to stop her, AND SHE STABS HIM.
• Beardy Russian busts in, so Jack PULLS THE KNIFE OUT OF HIS BELLY AND FLINGS IT RIGHT INTO THE GUY'S THROAT.
• Jack Bauer Weapon Count #6 - a well-used knife.
• Then he shoots some guys. And hugs Renee telling her "It's alright, it's alright."
• Jack slaps on a bandaid. In case you forgot, he just got stabbed right in the belly.• Hastings wastes everyone's time.
• Jack and Renee have a moment. She just wants her life back. "I don't have anyone!" Jack: "You've got me." Then they do it. Then she stabs him again.
• Aha, some guys show up! Jack decides to let himself get captured, because that will lead him to the rods. I wish I could properly demonstrate how hilarious it was when these nervous guys busted in. But trust me, it was really funny.
• My brother points out that this season feels like it was made by fans of 24 and not actual trained writers and directors. It certainly feels that way, but people have been paid good money to write this stuff.
• Pretty awesome when Jack threw that knife though.
• Cole and the Gang bust in, Renee stabs them all.
• CTU is supposed to be following Jack, but they didn't see any vehicles enter or leave the building! Where is he? We don't know! Whaaaaa!
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