24: Day 8: Hour 6

• Okay. The following takes place between 9apm-10pm.

• There is some bitchin' prog metal playing while Jack gets out of his car and sneaks around. I wish it would keep up for the whole episode.

• Jack to Hastings "We need to pull Renee out SHE DOESN'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES HER DANGEROUS! SHE'S A BOMB READY TO GO OFF!"

• Jack says, let's just arrest these goons and I'll do what I do best.

• Hastings: "We don't do that anymore"



• Jack: "Dammit!"

• Jack argues with Hastings. Says to "give him immunity or something. Or offer him a Take Five bar. Have you tried one of those? They're delicious!"


• "I'm not going to offer him a Reese's product!"



• "But it's a wonderful snack!"

• Jack continues. Renee is like a Saab running on underinflated tires. Let me just go grab her!



• Hastings: "When I became head of CTU I took an oath. An oath to undermine every mission and make every decision as though it were opposite day."

• The Dystopian Techno Metal continues. This is like a Super Nintendo game.

• Dana is supposed to be working but is instead figuring out ways to scam money for her layabout ex and his weird friend.




• Arlo acts sleazy. "You always have my shoulder to cry on. Or any other body part. WINK WINK!"

• Snarls negotiates with Vladimir, re: Uranium.

• Radioactive Son is getting treatment, Alpha Russian is growing impatient.

• Dr. Winceface embarrasses himself with his exaggerated "Don't shoot me!" gesture and random Professor Frink noises.



• Radioactive Son needs a bone marrow transplant, which requires a six-man surgical team and a fully stocked operating room, or Jack from Lost.

• (guys named Jack get. things. done).

• Snarls and the Russian are arguing. Close talking.


Russian: "Quit being a bitch!"
Snarls: "I'm a bitch? Maybe you're a bitch!"
Russian: "You can go from 0 to bitch in 3. 2 seconds!"
Snarls: "That sounds like something a bitch would say!"
Russian: "You're other car is a broom!"



• Jack is going in without a plan. Like he even needs one. The Russians are plotting to kill "the buyer" as soon as the money for the Uranium rods is transferred.

• The President and Gang are watching footage of the crackdowns in Hassan's fake country. The other nations are threatening to back out of this peace deal. So, it turns out there are other countries involved in this peace deal.

• Hassan is briefed on the arrests. One of the arrestees has a connection to a member of Hassan's inner circle, Hassan demands that man's arrest as well! Some new guy lectures Hassan on the dangers or arresting people willy-nilly, but Hassan snaps and throws down his folder in rage!







• Technology! CTU has a machine that can create any kind of ID badge.



• Arlo is complaining about servers or some bullshit.



• Dana: "I'm going to the bathroom leave me alone!"



• Arlo: "You always have my shoulder to go to the bathroom on."

• Chloe tells Arlo that he's a creep, Arlo responds with "You're just jealous," classic creep comeback. Chloe says (sarcastically) "Yeah, I want you to stare at my ass!" then walks away and the camera lingers on her ass. This show is so weird.



• Alright, Arlo is hip to Dana's misdeeds.



• Snarls comes out of the shower which I think means this whole season has been a dream.

• What if she washed out her CTU magic earpiece? Did Jack listen to her in the shower? Did he like it?

• Hard to tell.

• Remember how I thought Renee probably smelled weird? The shower hasn't changed my mind.

• The Russian is demanding relations, or the deal is off! How far is Renee willing to go? She's like a bag of chips that didn't entirely fall from the vending machine.

• Renee flushes her earpiece because SHE HAS NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE SHE'S LIKE A VIGOROUSLY SHAKEN CAN OF MR. PIBB!

• Some British guy is saying that they're going to have a hard time supporting these agreements what with the civil rights violations Hassan is perpetrating.

• Here, this is just as good as a bone marrow transplant.



• Uh oh more guys! Alpha Russian does not mess around.

• Alpha Russian laughs maniacally when he finds out his sons have been rounded up.



• Nice German-Guy disguise Jack!



• Yes! He's speaking in a German accent!

• They test him by speaking German. Good idea guys! If he was only pretending to be German, he probably wouldn't be able to speak the language.

• Jack speaks German, but with an American accent. He explains it away and lights a cigarette most Europeanly.



• They decide to speak English, and Jack drops his accent almost entirely.

• I could probably make a joke about how that guy doesn't last long in bed here.



• CLOSE TALKING



• The money transferred, the Russians fix on taking out Jack, but Rooftop Cole shuts them down right quick. Nice!



• Family drama. Josef the non-radioactive son seems to have some sort of conscience. Alpha Russian is going to exterminate Josef but instead turns the gun on Radioactive Son.

• In conclusion: